Social Skills: Making the Connection
Have you been wondering “why aren’t they talking to me” or “who are their friends” over the past year or more? As a parent or family member, maybe even a teacher, this might be a daily thought. If that is the case for you, you’re not alone. The lasting impact we have seen from the Pandemic on children’s socialization has been immense, and it may be everlasting if we don’t do something. The mental health community has never been so sought out, but it will take more than just therapy—they need positive connections within their daily environment to get through this.
Many still wonder how the Pandemic has impacted their children due to ongoing distress and disconnect, and as a therapist, the biggest obstacle I have seen is a lack of socialization; I frequently ask caregivers “How are you encouraging social interactions for your child?” and am often surprised so many of them are unsure how to do so. We all must take an active role to ensure children become connected and establish an appropriate support system in their environment. Be a listening ear, foster the opportunity for conversation with open-ended questions, be interested, and most importantly do it consistently. It can be hard to break through the repeated responses such as “I don’t know” or “nothing really” but gaining their trust takes effort and that effort requires time.
Below you will find 5 recommendations with tips and tricks for increasing engagement and providing your child the chance to connect with themselves, peers, and even supportive adults. Try the one you feel will be the best fit, give them all a try, or have the child decide which seems most interesting and make the best of a social situation.
1. Encourage free play activities. Find out what’s fun for them and connect them with others to enjoy those activities or be willing to engage with them. We will often be surprised by how willing they are to participate when they can take the lead or make choices for the activity of the day. Additionally, free play facilitates independent decision-making and encourages a stress-free expectation for creativity and engagement.
2. Explore their values. Understanding what is important to one another provides a unique opportunity to connect with others beyond a one-time activity. Take the time to discuss what their selections mean to them and how achieving such values would look in action. Throughout this discussion identify themes and explore how they can initiate interactions and activities that support honoring their values. Lastly, communicate your personal values and those you hope they and other family members uphold as a means to connect with one another and even begin making plans for experiences that will allow you all to uphold these values in your daily lives together and individually.
3. Build their emotional language. Communication is key! Being knowledgeable of our emotions and how to accurately communicate them is imperative to successful interactions, especially during times of difficulty. By having something such as this chart on hand, or the refrigerator, you can take the first step for you and your family to become aware of and be able to communicate feelings as they experience them.
4. Establish the relationship.
The foundation of any relationship is in the ability to establish and maintain a positive view of one another in a way that initiates comfort and desire to continue interactions. In the initial stages of developing a relationship and as the bond continues to strengthen most individuals want to feel they can trust the other person. Whether we establish this trust by reinforcing the availability of support, seeking connection through commonalities, or being a positive model for others we must all do our part to fulfill this aspect of our relationships.
5. Encouraging their positive perspective. Helping a child overcome the thought of “I can’t do it” can be difficult but with reinforcement of effort and positive encouragement, we can help develop a new perspective or a growth mindset. This approach is powerful in that we can reinforce such thoughts through activities across all facets of life; social, emotional, or relational. Because language is one of our biggest tools, we can model an ability to change through our own actions, the statements we make, or the acknowledgment of the effort we provide others. Many children receive such reinforcement via the extracurricular activities they engage in, but we also must take the opportunity to do so through the daily expectations they have in the academic setting and the neighborhood. Some chances for such positive reinforcement may happen while supporting them during homework, enjoying free play with peers, or participating in whole family activities.
